Conservatives: Our policy platform is none of your business! We will decide what’s good for you, and what’s good for the country. Tax the poor, and give to the rich –do we need to spell it out for you? Social services? Bah! Humbug! Why are there provincial governments? Ridiculous! What is the point of having a federal government if it doesn’t control everything? Now let’s get out out of these jeans and put on our 3-piece suits.
Socialists: It’s simple. If we tax rich people and evil corporations, then everyone will have everything right? Of course it might also mean eventually nobody has anything, but in the meantime we government officials have lucrative expense accounts, and plenty of jobs for our friends and family. Promise the world, and pocket what you can – that’s our motto. Once this election is over, we can put on our matching red T-shirts and unionize those poor massage parlor workers.
Liberals: Whatever makes you happy, will make us happy! Sometimes we tax the rich, but when they get angry we’ll just tax the poor. Our platform in a nutshell – If it doesn’t work, try something else. Aboriginals? Give them their own government. Distinct society? Let them think they have their own government, what harm can it do? Poorer provinces? Give them a few extra bucks, what harm could it do? Now let’s loose our ties and smoke that blunt!
PICK YOUR POISON & GET OUT AND VOTE!